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Maybe it's not in de cards for us to be together, but dat don' mean I gonna stop

Sunday, October 19, 2014

1:19AM

I'm so fucking sick of this bullshit.

Everything I love has been turned into garbage. I'm ready to leave this garbage.


I can't even enjoy high school league now that I have two sniveling children helping me. That talk to themselves behind make back as I'm trying to talk to the students for the first time. THanks guys but please feel free to sit on your cellphone the whole fucking time you teach. yea what a role model

(1 dreams | do you dream)

Monday, November 11, 2013

10:27PM

There is some sort of cruelty that goes a long with liking me. Do I attract the unsatisfied because I am myself unsatisfied?

( do you dream)

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

9:40PM

She says she's leaving
That's she's going west to the mountains

I want so badly to drop everything and go with her.

To go to the mountains.
To be somewhere else.

( do you dream)

Sunday, August 11, 2013

11:52AM

I wanted to call you last night and tell you how big of a fucking mistake it would be moving in with your boyfriend. But I know If I would say that it would just give you one more reason to not talk to me anymore.
I didn't call
Instead I got to have a dream in which I tell you off. I wish you would have embraced told me it's ok. Nothing happen

( do you dream)

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

1:03AM

It's nice that my brother whose been a relationship for 8 fucking years can get lucky immediately. He's not even of his relationship and he's got another girl all over him. What the fuck is wrong with me? All I get are people who flirt with me to fuck with me or to get something out of me. It's never for real it's always a goddamn joke.

I am meant to be alone. Never sexy or attractive. Just a fucking stoner with magnificent ideas that can never bring them into reality. That everyone is so willing to pass by despite the inspiration i've given.

I hate attitudes, I hate people, I hate how they deal with each other.

( do you dream)

Sunday, June 24, 2012

2:53AM

no one gives a fuck about me


everyone else has something better going on and im left in the dust



I've fully accepted Im going to be alone forever

Ive never fit in

no one can be honest

it's all just a fucking game

(1 dreams | do you dream)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

2:19AM

I always wanted to get picked on the cool team
But alone is exactly how I should be

(1 dreams | do you dream)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

9:58PM

i'm blind

( do you dream)

Sunday, October 2, 2011

2:28AM

I am pathetic
25 year old boy worthless

( do you dream)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

3:58AM

The poison makes its way through my body slowly
Into the pleasure centers of my brain
If you were here I would admit that I'm an asshole
But now it’s over and I can’t stay sober
Though it isn't like I tried
And on the front porch, or on an airplane on vacation
Or out for dinner in a NEARBY town
I was so proud just to have you sitting with me
But now it’s over and I can’t stay sober
Pour and swallow
Follow one shot with another
I'll keep on till you agree to come back over
Or until there are X's on my eyes
My old man always swore that hell would have no flame
Just a front row seat
To watch your true love pack her things and drive away

( do you dream)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

5:19AM

I am the zen master.

( do you dream)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

11:02AM

I swear to god one of these days I will be able to respond to the question of "How is your life love going?" without having to make a fart noise to describe. But I've done my best not to dwell on it because there is so much other stuff going thats just great.

I have broken into that elite player status at ComedSportz and that best part about is that despite that fact that money is fantastic I really feel like my improv have all of a sudden had a major growth spurt despite the fact that after a show I'm more lit than a christmas tree I feel sharp. I set goals to try to do an accent every show, a new character every show and a call back everyshow. For the first time in a long time I'm starting to think that I am in fact getting really good at this.

I am about to become a godfather for 2nd time this time for Ted which to me is unbelievable. These people like having me in their lives so much that if anything should happen to they want to make sure I'm around to help should anything bad happen. I also had a good laugh because immediately following being asked both time the people assured that there was very little to do with religion. I don't mind religion especially in situations likes these when it's just a vow to protect someone.


I got into a fight last night with Kim. She is mad at me because a called her a boyfriend a douchebag almost 2 years ago. The problem with this is I don't remember actually saying it. People and this incessant need for drama in their lives drives me up a fucking wall. The biggest problem with this is that she used the line "I've guess I've just grown up" Lines like that are reserved for movies and bad cliche's not real life. especially when incapable of entering a room with the same person and being civil with them. I've hated all her boyfriends with the exception of will and her feathers are ruffled over this.

I seem to have this problem where I give people my honest opinion on a problem and it blows up in my face and I don't talk to them for a really long time. Then guess what turns out I'm right and everything is right with world. I've reduced people to jellyfish status and most bounce back some continue to be content in their severe mediocrity.

( do you dream)

Friday, February 19, 2010

2:43AM

I haven't felt this bad in years. It's the point where I feel I must talk about it on lj because it's the only place I ever feel I can vent so it must be bad.

I have a good life and a good job. a job that not many people have and can make the money I make. In march it will 5 years and I just got a raise.

I have a solid group of friends, friends that I love and respect and now with high school so far behind us it's really weeded out who you can depend on.

But right now i just feel like somethings wrong.

There is a girl, a girl I have been in love with for many years. And while this is something that has been weighing on my mind lately I don't think it is the cause of this feeling but at this point I just want to get it out.

It's funny how so many facets of your life can start from one event. Like swim class all but one of my relationships started because of this one swim class I had my junior because I failed my freshmen year because of a broken leg and a bitch of a swim teacher. I guess now I should be thanking her. Had I not given Katlin that note to give to Ayisha, I never would have met Chelsea. Dana was also in the swim class. Ayisha was the original though. We had our encounters leading up til almost the day she left for college. At that point I was just dumped by dana and had no desire in getting into a long distance relationship which is ridiculous now considering I thought chicago was far away.

The last time a saw here was a year and didn't feel any different. But she's definitely grown up and I have to wonder if any of those feelings remain on her side of things or if I'm still a boy with stars in his eyes. But now chicago is turning into New York. I miss I really do but I can't tell now if it's real or the lust of a long forgotten easier life. But I really don't think that's it. Nothing has changed that much and I know I'm more mature than I was then and I still have this feeling. I could bash my head into a wall over the what if's.

How is it I can still feel like I'm losing someone who I might have lost years ago.





I could just be a stupid kid...













I probably am.

(1 dreams | do you dream)

Monday, June 18, 2007

2:33PM

She would be going on a date

Current mood: frustrated

( do you dream)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

12:59PM

Kickball tonight at 6pm

( do you dream)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

3:21PM

the american boy you used to date
who would do anything you say
anything you say

(1 dreams | do you dream)

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

12:28AM

( do you dream)

Thursday, April 12, 2007

3:04AM

( do you dream)

Saturday, March 31, 2007

11:06PM

get me out of here

( do you dream)

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

1:40PM

They'll hang me if i stay here
they'll shoot if i run

( do you dream)

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